So. First post. On an app. From my phone. Blogging has come a long way since 2002/2003 when I opened my open diary account.
Anyway. I just need a space for my thoughts while I try to figure things out. I'm 33. As of Sunday, June 9th, I've been cancer free for 8 years. Great, right? Sure, if I actually felt decent.
Where to start? I guess in the beginning. For as long as I can remember, I've had pain during ovulation. In August 2004, I had sharp pains in my abdomen. It was the first day of my period. I thought they were maybe just cramps from hell. I was on campus that day, waiting for the bus to go home. I ended up in the nearest building throwing up. Then I found a spot to lay down until I could get it together to go home. When I made it home, I googled. Abdominal pain with nausea? Seek medical help immediately? Ain't nobody got time for that! I was a single mom. I had an almost 4 year old to pick up from school. I dealt with the pain for months. It wasn't that bad again. Of course, I also started taking leftover pain killers I had from having my wisdom teeth out the previous December.
Fast forward to late May 2005. I had recently graduated from Florida State. I had a job, it was a lame job, but it was a job that I hoped had room for advancement. I was 25. The pain came back. It was so bad I thought I might die. I didn't have any more prescription pain relievers. I couldn't keep Tylenol down. The pain made me nauseous. It was about 2 am while I was pondering who to call. 911? No. Can't do that alone with a 4 1/2 year old. Aunt & Uncle? No. Don't want to wake them up. Best friend? Maybe. She's probably up. But she has to go to work soon. I didn't end up calling anyone. I ended falling asleep (passing out?) and when I woke up things were better. Didn't go to work that day. Slept a lot.
Then 2ish weeks later, the pain came back. Wait. WTF? It's not that time of the month. Told a coworker. She gave me a guilt trip and a ride to the ER. They wouldn't give me pain meds. They were worried I wouldn't be able to tell them how much it hurt. Hours went by. It became apparent I wasn't leaving anytime soon. I called my aunt who picked up the 4 1/2 year old for me. Then I waited. I got to the ER around 10 AM. At some point I had an internal ultrasound and a CT scan. They decided it wasn't my appendix which is what I tried to tell them. Turned out I had what I like to call my "big ass mass." They decided I needed surgery. Now. So at 8 something PM the gynecologist on call removed it. It was June 9, 2005. I was in the hospital for 4 days.
My mass weighed over a pound and was the size of a cantaloupe. The Dr also removed my right ovary & fallopian tube. I still have pain in that area.
That July, I saw an oncologist. I didn't have insurance. The 10 minute appointment cost $506. I was told the doctor removed the whole mass. It was intact. My abdominal wash was clean. Due to my age, I probably didn't have cancer but even if I did, it was gone and I was fine.
A few months later, I found out what I had was "borderline" ovarian cancer. It was a mass with "low malignancy potential." Apparently, what I had is semi rare. The fact that I had it at *all at my age, with my health history (started period at a normal age, had a pregnancy, took birth control pills, no family history) was rare. The gyn who did the surgery said he had never seen it in someone my age in his 17 years of practice. I was fortunate. It's a slow growing type. The 5 year survival rate is very high. But it can come back. Anytime. It could be 15-20 years.
I had a few more CT scans over the years. I had one in November 2006. That oncologist (different office than the first) referred me to a new gynecological oncologist in town. I was referred because there was something on my CT. It was decided I should have surgery in Jan 2007 to take whatever it was, out. Along with possibly my left ovary & some omentum and I forget what else. The doctor didn't want to take out my ovary. He didn't want to put me into menopause at 26. I went to the pre-op appointment the week before the surgery was scheduled. Whatever was on the CT wasn't on the ultrasound. So I had another CT scan. Still gone. Surgery got cancelled. It was decided that maybe I had a functional cyst that burst. Caused by ovulation. Except that I was on the pill and shouldn't have been ovulating. Doctor didn't seem too concerned.
I don't remember 2008. I had another CT scan in 2009. It was clear. But because I was still having a lot of pain the gyn oncologist gave me percocet, "a mild narcotic." I made that bottle of 20 last a whole year. But then he moved. And I didn't go to the doctor. No one seemed to care that I was in pain or wanted to do much about it. I got tired of people harassing me to go to the doctor, so I went in March 2011. I was referred back to the same office as the 2nd oncologist I saw. I don't even remember if I had a CT scan. He basically said that since it had been over 5 years, I was fine and didn't need to come back unless I had a problem. He said he couldn't do anything for the pain I'm still having.
Fast forward to today. I'm still in pain. I'm tired often. I'm moody. PMS is horrible. Cramps are terrible. I generally don't feel well. I can't tell you the last time I did feel well. I . . . exist. I make it through the day. Some are better than others. But I don't want to feel this way anymore. I only go to the doctor when it's time for an annual exam to get more birth control. I gave up. I hurt when I start my period. I hurt in the middle of my cycle. I have one ovary and I was taking the pill. The odds I ovulate are pretty low. So why do I hurt during that time? Who knows? Not me. And I hurt random other times of the time just for fun. It isn't all the time. But it's *enough. And I'm tired.
I've toyed with the idea of paleo/primal/low carb for the past year or so. I've been reading more lately. And there's stuff that I wonder about. In a book by Gary Taubes, there's a mention of an experiment with mice. Mice that had their ovaries removed got fat. So, I wonder if gaining 30 pounds in 5 years had to do with my new office job or my lack of an ovary. I've also been reading blogs. Estrogen dominance? Adrenal fatigue? Definitely things I need to look into. I also need to find out *exactly what type of ovarian cancer I had. Apparently there's 6 types of borderline cancers of a low malignancy potential.
I've watched enough documentaries now that I think I've gotten the husband on board with trying things. We're going to try a juice detox for a weekend at the end of the month. Waiting until the now 12 1/2 year old goes to grandma's so we don't have to worry about having to get food for him when we aren't eating. And after that? I plan to try the primal thing. Except that I don't want to put a label on it. I just want to eat better. Real food. Less crap. No gluten. A lot less grains. Less carbs. Hopefully I'll feel better. Hopefully I'll lose weight. Mostly, I want to feel better. In the last month or 2, I've talked myself into going to the doctor next month (when insurance will pay for another annual exam). I've planned to talk the doctor into a hysterectomy in the fall (when I will have enough leave time built up to take weeks off). The gyn oncologist said he would take everything out by the time I'm 33-34. I'm here now. And while I don't want major surgery or the side effects that come along with it, I do want to feel better.
I can't do anything about my job or the stress that comes with it (thankfully, since 2005, I had 2 promotions and then found another better job last year). But I can do something about my choices and what I eat. I'm going to see if I can start to heal myself without resorting to major surgery.
So come along with me on my journey to better health, feeling better and maybe a little bit of financial stability (aka less debt) thrown in for fun. ;-)
