6/much much later

Man. I suck at this. Getting healthy *and blogging. I'd say things are the same but they might actually be worse. I have a lot of symptoms of things . . . Headaches, stomach aches, joint pain, brain fog, memory issues, hair thinning/loss, etc. . . . But nothing appears to be wrong. I finally went to the doctor because I decided I wanted to look for answers. My BP is still almost always textbook. I really thought it'd be some autoimmune thing. Thyroid is normal. Autoimmune markers are fine. Negative for celiac. Vitamin D is low. So far, that's all the doctor has found. I have another follow up in 2 weeks. In the meantime, today is day 1 of the whole 30. I also have blood test results from this year & last year to compare. I don't know where those old ones are anymore. Whatev.

5/six months later

Yeah. So I ended up finding the results of my blood tests from summer 2012. I will probably post them as a compare/contrast when I finally get on board and stick to this whole being healthy thing. Fell so far off the wagon, it kept going & left me in the dust. Oh well. Today is a new day. Today is a new day that I just didn't have the energy/motivation/etc to go to work. I've missed a lot since the fall, feeling the way I've been feeling. Most days it's because I'm not feeling well. I've been getting more frequent headaches and stomach aches. Other days, I just dread having to go deal with those people. Once I'm there, it usually isn't bad. Friday was the worst in a long time. Usually things don't stick with me when I'm done working on them, but things did then.

Anyway. Moving on. I've decided I really need to get with the program and stick to it. I'm leaning towards a drastic reduction in carbs/grains aka gluten free & ketosis. I want to see how I'll feel after. I still haven't gone to the doctor and I don't particularly want surgery. So. It comes down to this. After tonight, the menu plans this week are grain free. Since I'm home today, so far, I've only had bacon. And some detox water I found on Pinterest. I'm really going to try to get more water in, but I don't know how I'll ever make it to 100 oz. So far, it's taken me 2 hrs to have 16. Bacon & eggs were the plan.. But after the bacon, I wasn't hungry anymore. Maybe later. I should. The reason I always failed before was being hungry. It'll be more difficult at work, but I think I'm more motivated this time. For now, anyway.

4/the day after

Well. Yesterday was day 3. I never did feel the feels. My skin never had that glowing look. Oh well. I'm sure the extra vitamins/nutrients didn't hurt anything.

So, i didn't feel the feels but yesterday i didn't feel overly hungry either. I felt kinda blah overall. We only did the drinks for breakfast & lunch. The guy had one for a snack too. Had turkey burgers for dinner. I felt better after that. I weighed myself today. The total loss appears to be 5.4 lbs. I don't know how much the turkey burger messed that up. I'm sure there will be a gain when i eat food regularly again. But i do plan to eat better in general & maybe have a green smoothie every now & then.

3/day 2

Well. We did it. We started the 3 day detox yesterday. I drank my first 2 juices/smoothies at work yesterday. I did not eat the donuts someone brought in for my unit. The drinks weren't bad. They were definitely better Thurs night when i made them, but not bad. I did "cheat" and had a spoonful of almond butter 2 different times because i was hungry though. And because of reviews online, we have made the lunch drink with less celery and cucumber.

Speaking of the online reviews . . . So much hate! I think these people did not peel their lemons, limes & cucumbers because the drinks aren't bad. The breakfast & dinner ones are actually kinda good. Altough i did leave the cayenne out of my dinner one . . . Anyway, it's day 2. I do not feel the feels mentioned in reviews. I am not refreshed or energetic. I am not weak or lethargic. I am most certainly not full! I was so hungry last night i was ready to go to taco bell after midnight for food. Any food. Eventually i fell asleep.

In good news, i have lost 4 lbs since yesterday. I am not deluding myself. I am sure it is water weight. My usual routine is to pee when i wake up, on my lunch break, when i get home from work & before i go to bed. I drink very little. Usually most (rarely finished) of a can of diet soda during the work day & a little of whatever is in the fridge with/after dinner. Yesterday, i drank the green tea. It took me awhile to finish it. Then the breakfast drink on my break. By the time lunch came, i really had to go. Thats usually the last thing i do. Drank the lunch drink & really had to pee again on my next break. Definitely more than usually after work too, between having the snack & dinner drinks. Not to mention waking up at 4 am.

I hope i can make it another day & a half. People said after this they didn't crave carbs/sugar. I hope i don't. I don't feel bad. Just hungry. And my period came 5 days early so i have some pretty horrible cramps right now. I am trying not to take ibuprofen but i really wish i had something stronger.

2/not well

So. I wrote that other post and then . . . Nothing. I'm not feeling well today. I'm tired. My head hurts, feels a little stuffy. And my stomach hurts. Nothing really new with these feelings. I can blame the cold type feelings on being out in the rain the past 2 days, i think.

Tomorrow is the day. We're starting a 3 day cleanse I saw on pinterest. The dr oz one. I'm not a big fan of his but these recipes seem doable. I need a start with the low carb/gluten free whatever. Obviously all this fruit isn't low carb but it has to be better than my diet lately. I have high hopes. I hope things go well.

I found my medical records. I need to type a little about those later, when i have then in front of me. Unfortunately, the records from the gynecologist oncologist i saw are missing. After he moved, i wasn't willing to pay for those & the records i got from the last oncologist didn't include them. I couldn't find results from my last blood tests last year. Not sure if i can get them from lab corp or not.

I will try to write about the detox & how i feel. We'll see.

1/intro

So. First post. On an app. From my phone. Blogging has come a long way since 2002/2003 when I opened my open diary account.

Anyway. I just need a space for my thoughts while I try to figure things out. I'm 33. As of Sunday, June 9th, I've been cancer free for 8 years. Great, right? Sure, if I actually felt decent.

Where to start? I guess in the beginning. For as long as I can remember, I've had pain during ovulation. In August 2004, I had sharp pains in my abdomen. It was the first day of my period. I thought they were maybe just cramps from hell. I was on campus that day, waiting for the bus to go home. I ended up in the nearest building throwing up. Then I found a spot to lay down until I could get it together to go home. When I made it home, I googled. Abdominal pain with nausea? Seek medical help immediately? Ain't nobody got time for that! I was a single mom. I had an almost 4 year old to pick up from school. I dealt with the pain for months. It wasn't that bad again. Of course, I also started taking leftover pain killers I had from having my wisdom teeth out the previous December.

Fast forward to late May 2005. I had recently graduated from Florida State. I had a job, it was a lame job, but it was a job that I hoped had room for advancement. I was 25. The pain came back. It was so bad I thought I might die. I didn't have any more prescription pain relievers. I couldn't keep Tylenol down. The pain made me nauseous. It was about 2 am while I was pondering who to call. 911? No. Can't do that alone with a 4 1/2 year old. Aunt & Uncle? No. Don't want to wake them up. Best friend? Maybe. She's probably up. But she has to go to work soon. I didn't end up calling anyone. I ended falling asleep (passing out?) and when I woke up things were better. Didn't go to work that day. Slept a lot.

Then 2ish weeks later, the pain came back. Wait. WTF? It's not that time of the month. Told a coworker. She gave me a guilt trip and a ride to the ER. They wouldn't give me pain meds. They were worried I wouldn't be able to tell them how much it hurt. Hours went by. It became apparent I wasn't leaving anytime soon. I called my aunt who picked up the 4 1/2 year old for me. Then I waited. I got to the ER around 10 AM. At some point I had an internal ultrasound and a CT scan. They decided it wasn't my appendix which is what I tried to tell them. Turned out I had what I like to call my "big ass mass." They decided I needed surgery. Now. So at 8 something PM the gynecologist on call removed it. It was June 9, 2005. I was in the hospital for 4 days.

My mass weighed over a pound and was the size of a cantaloupe. The Dr also removed my right ovary & fallopian tube. I still have pain in that area.

That July, I saw an oncologist. I didn't have insurance. The 10 minute appointment cost $506. I was told the doctor removed the whole mass. It was intact. My abdominal wash was clean. Due to my age, I probably didn't have cancer but even if I did, it was gone and I was fine.

A few months later, I found out what I had was "borderline" ovarian cancer. It was a mass with "low malignancy potential." Apparently, what I had is semi rare. The fact that I had it at *all at my age, with my health history (started period at a normal age, had a pregnancy, took birth control pills, no family history) was rare. The gyn who did the surgery said he had never seen it in someone my age in his 17 years of practice. I was fortunate. It's a slow growing type. The 5 year survival rate is very high. But it can come back. Anytime. It could be 15-20 years.

I had a few more CT scans over the years. I had one in November 2006. That oncologist (different office than the first) referred me to a new gynecological oncologist in town. I was referred because there was something on my CT. It was decided I should have surgery in Jan 2007 to take whatever it was, out. Along with possibly my left ovary & some omentum and I forget what else. The doctor didn't want to take out my ovary. He didn't want to put me into menopause at 26. I went to the pre-op appointment the week before the surgery was scheduled. Whatever was on the CT wasn't on the ultrasound. So I had another CT scan. Still gone. Surgery got cancelled. It was decided that maybe I had a functional cyst that burst. Caused by ovulation. Except that I was on the pill and shouldn't have been ovulating. Doctor didn't seem too concerned.

I don't remember 2008. I had another CT scan in 2009. It was clear. But because I was still having a lot of pain the gyn oncologist gave me percocet, "a mild narcotic." I made that bottle of 20 last a whole year. But then he moved. And I didn't go to the doctor. No one seemed to care that I was in pain or wanted to do much about it. I got tired of people harassing me to go to the doctor, so I went in March 2011. I was referred back to the same office as the 2nd oncologist I saw. I don't even remember if I had a CT scan. He basically said that since it had been over 5 years, I was fine and didn't need to come back unless I had a problem. He said he couldn't do anything for the pain I'm still having.

Fast forward to today. I'm still in pain. I'm tired often. I'm moody. PMS is horrible. Cramps are terrible. I generally don't feel well. I can't tell you the last time I did feel well. I  . . . exist. I make it through the day. Some are better than others. But I don't want to feel this way anymore. I only go to the doctor when it's time for an annual exam to get more birth control. I gave up. I hurt when I start my period. I hurt in the middle of my cycle. I have one ovary and I was taking the pill. The odds I ovulate are pretty low. So why do I hurt during that time? Who knows? Not me. And I hurt random other times of the time just for fun. It isn't all the time. But it's *enough. And I'm tired.

I've toyed with the idea of paleo/primal/low carb for the past year or so. I've been reading more lately. And there's stuff that I wonder about. In a book by Gary Taubes, there's a mention of an experiment with mice. Mice that had their ovaries removed got fat. So, I wonder if gaining 30 pounds in 5 years had to do with my new office job or my lack of an ovary. I've also been reading blogs. Estrogen dominance? Adrenal fatigue? Definitely things I need to look into. I also need to find out *exactly what type of ovarian cancer I had. Apparently there's 6 types of borderline cancers of a low malignancy potential.

I've watched enough documentaries now that I think I've gotten the husband on board with trying things. We're going to try a juice detox for a weekend at the end of the month. Waiting until the now 12 1/2 year old goes to grandma's so we don't have to worry about having to get food for him when we aren't eating. And after that? I plan to try the primal thing. Except that I don't want to put a label on it. I just want to eat better. Real food. Less crap. No gluten. A lot less grains. Less carbs. Hopefully I'll feel better. Hopefully I'll lose weight. Mostly, I want to feel better. In the last month or 2, I've talked myself into going to the doctor next month (when insurance will pay for another annual exam). I've planned to talk the doctor into a hysterectomy in the fall (when I will have enough leave time built up to take weeks off). The gyn oncologist said he would take everything out by the time I'm 33-34. I'm here now. And while I don't want major surgery or the side effects that come along with it, I do want to feel better.

I can't do anything about my job or the stress that comes with it (thankfully, since 2005, I had 2 promotions and then found another better job last year). But I can do something about my choices and what I eat. I'm going to see if I can start to heal myself without resorting to major surgery.

So come along with me on my journey to better health, feeling better and maybe a little bit of financial stability (aka less debt) thrown in for fun. ;-)